Monday... the big day...

Well, we wake up... It doesnt feel like my birthday at all..Although, i do not want to face this birthday cus it leaves no room before 30... but its here... Chris and I get ready.. I finish his packing... and we are ready to go.. we say goodbye to my parents and Rex... and I get a call from Jackie.. she asks if i have the consent forms.. and asks me to swing by the cancer institute before we go to the hospital for admitting.. so we do..... DR Strair and Jackie talk to us by the car... and they say they will have info by 3pm about the scans.. they want him to get another pulmonary function test and tell us that basically they want to make sure he has been somewhat responsive to treatments before sending him into transplant.... they want to see MRI and petscan.. etc... they tell us that he is in a group (I guess leukemia group) where there is a 50-75% failure rate.. ugh.. yea didnt want to hear that.. but they mention possible experimental treatment if they dont do transplant... so we wait and wait ... Eventually they do the pulmonary test... and then Strair comes in to see us... he tells us his lungs are much much better than last time... which is good... he tells us that Chris's bone marrow was clear since last chemo but that his leukemia on the bones has been pretty resistant to the chemo.. the BEST thing is to be in remission going into transplant.. Chris is not.. which makes it harder for it to work.... but there is no hope if he doesnt do transplant cus the chemo has not worked to put him into remission... the transplant provides hope... the doctor cannot give us a statistic... every patient is different.. even standard ones... so the worry is that there is more leukemia to fight... basically the MRI is showing some spots where there is still leukemic areas... the actual spinal fluid and bone marrow look good.... soooo Strair made sure with Chris that he still wanted to go thru with it.. I think Strair was sure of Chris's answer but he has to be honest with us... He is getting 3 chemo drugs thru IV starting tomorrow Dec 2nd... and they are supposedly pretty tolerable.. then on December 11th, they infuse him with the bone marrow.. the donor's bone marrow.. and then we wait 12-14 days for engrafment... the counts will be down starting around Dec 11th and we wait for the counts to go up.. and they start checking to see if the donor's immune system has (hopefully) taken over.. that is the goal... if he starts having side effects (like diareaha, rash, etc) they will test him for graft vs host disease which is common.. and we actually want to see a lil of that cus it means the new immune system is noticing the weird stuff and attacking... we just dont want major attacks cus the transplant can badly damage important organs (lungs, kidneys, heart, etc) and we do not want that.. But that is what Strair made us aware of today.. this could be fatal... but its the only chance of beating the leukemia..So again, the donor is male and 23 and most likely has some pretty good strong fighting bone marrow... and we are counting on that to fix Chris... Dr Strair told Chris he'll be back tomorrow.. and that he doesnt want Chris to fall again.. so he needs to stay in bed or get help... physical therapy will be around.. and we are focused on the goal... Strair left... we were both emotional.. a lot of this stuff we knew... We knew a transplant isnt a guarentee.. we knew that not being in remission makes it harder.. we knew its gonna be a rocky road... but hearing it all again and whatnot.. its overwhelming... But, Chris just got back from specials downstairs.. they put in his triple lumen port in his neck.. and he starts chemo tomorrow... He will be ok this week.. but after that is when the crappiness starts.. counts drop... he feels icky.... but one day at a time.. and still praying... Sharon the chaplain reminded us today that we were praying for this.. we wanted him to get to transplant... and i have to keep remembering that... this is what we wanted... other alternatives woulda been very bad... so we are in a place we asked for... and Chris is a fighter... he is ready.. i have to stop leaking.. my eyes keep going.. but i will find a way to stop tearing... For those of you who want to visit... they will make you put a gown on and probably a mask just to keep chris safe... visits should not be in huge numbers.. just to keep him calmer and less germs... and if you are sick, dont come!!! No live plants or flowers cus they can have bacteria (they arent allowed on the floor) and other than that, chris would welcome check-ins via text or call... like i said, this week he will be feeling good... after next week, he might be pretty drugged up to help him get thru it for a week or 2.. but if you want to come, let us know... company is welcome always.. thanks again all of you for wishes and checki ins and prayers... I will explain more about the transplant and recovery soon... Basically, the goal is for this to work... for Chris to make it thru the 4-5 weeks in the hospital.. but then they will be checking blood every few days for a few months... to make sure that his old bone marrow isnt sneaking back in.. we want his new bone marrow to take over permanently... that means it was successful.. but its gonna take 4-6 months to know we are headed in the right direction and about a year for recovery in general.. more to follow... xoxox jenn

Sunday Nov 30th

Chris and I woke up.. it was raining.. there was a bit of snow on the ground...

Today was the day we were going to get to the shore... He hadnt seen the water all summer...

Well Chris wanted to take me out for my birthday since he isnt going to be home for it..
So, we invite my parents and we take off...

Chris and I went to Rod's in Sea Girt for his birthday in april... so we go there again for mine...
Its still pouring.. My dad drops us off and I help Chris out of the car... to the side walk... and on the curb.... and he falls to his knee... ughhhh
Poor Chris.. it was pooring... i get him up.. my parents run over and we help him walk under the awning...
His knee hurts :( we slowly get up the stairs.. his pants are wet.. we are all a lil wet
Thank goodness I brought the oxycodone with me.. He pops 2... we have a very nice meal

Then, we leave, carefully and start driving towards spring lake... and we pull over by the water.. the waves are huge.. water is looking fierce... we pull over by a ramp and mini pavillion..
We get out of the car and help chris with the walker up the ramp to see the water closer... take a few pics... and after freezing, we get back in the car... more wet... but the heat is on and we are on our way home

We get home.. his knee feels awful... apply heating pad... take more oxy when he is due... and we hang out... Jeanie and Olivia visit for a lil while... Chris was very happy to see Liv... he wont see her til he is back home and he adores her... She is soo sweet... she asks how he is feeling when she comes in.... Eventually go upstairs to bed.. and neither of us want to go to bed..
Knowing what he is facing Monday, keeps Chris from wanting to sleep.. plus he is not tired...
We sleep .. but not much.. Chris was up a lot more than I was...

Monday is almost here... I will post beach pics as soon as I get them off Chris's phone