Saddest Day of my life

Chris had so many of his favorite people with him last night...

His dad and brothers.. my parents and brother and our best friends...

Everyone left little by little as it got later last night...

I spent the night with Chris.. it was the worst night of my life but at the same time, I feel so blessed I was there...

I watched as his heart rate got faster and his breathing more difficult... and I sat with him holding his hand and rubbing his arms and face.... he had a short while of more troubled breathing... during the last 60-90 minutes, his eyes were open and he looked in my direction... I got a slight moan from him while I was speaking to him.. I sang our song to him (he knew I couldnt sing.. maybe he was laughing)... "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw...
At around 5:15am, Chris left us to spend eternity with the angels... I watched as he finally stopped suffering... He finally looked peaceful....

Today, I lost my best friend... the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with... He treated me like such a princess... even in his worst days, he worried about me... worried about if my back hurt from sleeping on the couch... and I enjoyed every minute of the time I had with him... God introduced me to him for a reason... And I cannot change the fact that I wanted him forever and did not get my request....

I miss him already and even though I know he is finally not suffering... I wanted a miracle and its going to take me some time to have this sink in... It is much easier to know that this was supposed to happen than it is for my heart to be ok with it...

Dana said I will have quite an awesome angel looking over me forever... I said "I better behave" and she told me "nah, have some fun.. keep him busy" and I think she is right... It will help knowing Chris is with me no matter what I am doing

Well, now that I am balling... I will sign off...

Thank you for reading my novels.. I think I will find a way to continue this blog for Chris....

xoxox talk to you all later
Jenn (& Chris from heaven)