Chris had so many of his favorite people with him last night...
His dad and brothers.. my parents and brother and our best friends...
Everyone left little by little as it got later last night...
I spent the night with Chris.. it was the worst night of my life but at the same time, I feel so blessed I was there...
I watched as his heart rate got faster and his breathing more difficult... and I sat with him holding his hand and rubbing his arms and face.... he had a short while of more troubled breathing... during the last 60-90 minutes, his eyes were open and he looked in my direction... I got a slight moan from him while I was speaking to him.. I sang our song to him (he knew I couldnt sing.. maybe he was laughing)... "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw...
At around 5:15am, Chris left us to spend eternity with the angels... I watched as he finally stopped suffering... He finally looked peaceful....
Today, I lost my best friend... the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with... He treated me like such a princess... even in his worst days, he worried about me... worried about if my back hurt from sleeping on the couch... and I enjoyed every minute of the time I had with him... God introduced me to him for a reason... And I cannot change the fact that I wanted him forever and did not get my request....
I miss him already and even though I know he is finally not suffering... I wanted a miracle and its going to take me some time to have this sink in... It is much easier to know that this was supposed to happen than it is for my heart to be ok with it...
Dana said I will have quite an awesome angel looking over me forever... I said "I better behave" and she told me "nah, have some fun.. keep him busy" and I think she is right... It will help knowing Chris is with me no matter what I am doing
Well, now that I am balling... I will sign off...
Thank you for reading my novels.. I think I will find a way to continue this blog for Chris....
xoxox talk to you all later
Jenn (& Chris from heaven)
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5 comments:
Awww, Jenn, I am so sorry to hear that Chris passed away this morning. That is very upsetting news. :(
Let me know if there's anything I can do. And if you decide to create a fund for leukemia donations in Chris' memory, please update the blog.
-Tatiana Santos
I'm so sorry for your loss Jenn. :( I'm sorry he was taken so soon but hope you find some peace in knowing that his suffering has ended. I will continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
John McGovern
Jenn I'm so sorry to hear of Chris's passing. Even though he isn't here with you in the physical form anymore, he'll be by your side and in your heart forever. You are in my prayers....
can you please tell me the funeral arrangements, time & place for the grandparents & anyone else who would like to pay their respects. please post. thanks
phyllis & lewis waxmonsky
Jenn, I was friends with Chris in high school. While we didn't keep in touch after graduation, I always remembered him as a fun, jovial guy. I am very sorry to hear of his passing, and even though we don't know each other, my thoughts and condolences go out to you.
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